Oh hi guys! It’s been a while. If you follow along over on Instagram/Facebook you’ve seen a little behind the scenes (and lots of pretty photos) but it’s been a while since I’ve hopped on here. And while I’d like to say it was a well thought out and purposefully planned hiatus…that would be a lie. The truth is…my life has gone through a lot of changes lately and I didn’t feel like I was in a place to really share about them. I have always tried so hard to be 100% authentic with you but sometimes there are just things you have to work through on your own before you are ready to share them with the world.
I remember back when I had cancer (SIX YEARS AGO…holy moly) I felt like I needed to go through it and get to the other side before I was ready to talk about it to the internet. And my life this last year has been no different. I had to get through it on my own first. And as always…this blog exists to hopefully inspire the next person in some small way so I feel like sharing my story as it unfolds (or in this case has unfolded) will hopefully do just that.
Earlier this year, I got divorced. We’d been struggling for some time and in order for us to both live a happier life this was the right call. It’s incredibly hard to imagine your life one way and all the sudden have it take a complete 180. And it’s even harder to then take those steps toward a new life you know deep down you want. And ultimately need. For me…I was and always have been an incredibly happy person. If you ever ran into me at a party or in the grocery store…you would say I was happy. I’ve always felt that a day spent unhappy was a day wasted. And while I was going through each day generally “happy” on the outside…deep down I was miserable. I felt like there was this whole life out there that I was missing out on and something inside of me just needed to get out.
It’s funny how life works because since I made one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make…I’ve felt this overwhelming sense of peace. And freedom. I’ve started trying so many new things (I weld now…and rollerblade! Just wait for those posts – coming soon!) and experiencing more of life than I ever have before. I wake up happy and fall asleep even happier and it’s not because I’m not married anymore or anything like that. It’s because for the first time in a long time I am living life solely for me. Which is incredibly exhilarating.
I don’t want you to think this was something that I came to lightly. It was a very long, hard road to get here. There were lots of tears and overwhelming anxiety. Like ‘lose 12 pounds in a week‘ anxiety. There was therapy and so many ‘try-agains’ that I lost count. It was a very, very, very hard thing to go through and divorce is and never will be something I take lightly. And as unexpected as it may be….it’s now part of my story.
Change can be really scary. Terrifying actually. But sometimes it’s just something that is necessary. And at the end of the day I think it can be really beautiful. A lot is different in my life now. Goose is no longer here (which still hurts so much). I am taking care of a house on my own. Life got a whole lot more expensive. I’m a Wakefield again. But each and every day I get out of bed and am committed to living the best of my life for the rest of my life (love a good rhyme). And I can sit here now and tell you that I am truly and honestly, so happy.
And for the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel like blogging again. And sharing with you guys about the dumb in-betweens in my life (which will definitely be looking a little different than you may remember). I have no idea what the future looks like or what’s next for me but I know I’m excited for it. And I can’t wait to take you guys along for the ride. 🙂