Last week I told you guys a little bit about how #wcw is evolving. It’s been so awesome to “meet” amazing women around the country that I would have otherwise never known. Women who are doing amazing things and living incredible lives all while choosing to put their real selves out there. Women who have never met me but see the power in what this little series is doing…and who are eagerly willing to share their authentic selves. Women like Candace. I don’t know Candace personally but from what I’ve read…she’s pretty amazing. And something tells me after you read this you will most definitely agree. But enough from me…internet…meet Candace.
I’m a hypocrite.
I am completely black, then totally white. A mixture of opposites.
I am a walking contradiction, if you will. Always two things at once.
I want to be a successful business owner, but I often have trouble getting out of my pajamas before it’s time to get back in them.
I do intense Tracy Anderson workouts and then eat burgers and fries with a beer for dinner. Followed by dessert.
I use Lara Casey powersheets one month and am on my game, only to forget about them the next month and be losing in my own game.
I’m all or nothing.
I’m clean eating followed by processed food.
I very much prefer “Made in U.S.A.” but shop for “Made In China” prices.
My dream is to write, but often nap when I have a free moment.
I believe in “getting your shit together” while embracing “progress over perfection”.
I like rules but am a rebel.
I prepare a marriage talk while arguing with my husband in the process.
I believe in the power of community, yet would prefer staying home (in my pajamas!).
I seek to be me until I log onto social media.
I want to go out for the night but I want to be there to put my baby to bed.
I encourage “less is more” but always find my thoughts saying “more, more, more!”
I want to be accepted for all of me, the good and the bad, but then find myself judging others.
I strive to be a leader, but then I realize that requires me to get dressed and leave my house.
I pray for humility then walk away thinking, “If only everyone could be like me…”
I want to be a good friend and then screen my phone calls.
I long to live out my dreams, but am often unwilling to walk through my fears.
I value authenticity and then I fake the funk.
I want to be different but it feels better to fit in.
I like to travel but I’m a homebody.
I’m confident yet struggle with areas of shame.
I want to make a difference in the world but then that requires me living different from the world.
I know prayer will help, but I go to my husband instead.
I want to speak the truth but then I think people can’t handle the truth, but maybe I can’t handle their response to the truth.
I write “I’m going to read one book a week” and then I go watch TV.
I want to be a good housewife, but my husband cooks most of our meals and does all the nasty cleaning around the house.
My heart longs for quiet, but instead I fill it with noise.
I believe in Jesus and yet I walk in fear.
This is the perfectly imperfect reality of humanity. Beautiful in all its mess. We all do what we don’t want to do and then don’t do what we long to do. But then again, not always. Sometimes we do the very thing our heart cries out for and manage to avoid the area of temptation. It often feels like a balancing act, like two scales weighing in whether we are a good girl today or very, very bad. But what if instead of seeking balance, we sought acceptance. This is who we are. I am a beautiful work in progress, a beautiful work of art. I’m not yet finished. God is painting something new in me and until He’s done, I need grace. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow too.
I am a recovering perfectionist, control-freak and sugar addict. They once ruled my world, but not anymore. Because I now have grace.
So today I’m doing business in my pjs.
I’m writing instead of napping.
And with these words, I’m telling you the truth.
I hope you find grace today too.