I met Courtney through a mutual friend and I knew from all the amazing things Cara had said about her that we would be fast friends. I love when you feel like you know someone before you meet them because you can jump right into it. I’ve only spent a handful of days in the same room as Courtney, but yet it feels like so many more. When I first met her she was just starting her journey as a photographer. Figuring her business out and afraid to even say the words…I am a photographer…out loud. Over the years I have watched her break out her shell and it has been absolutely inspiring. I don’t think Courtney fully realizes what an inspiration she is to so many people around her…including me. Life hit her hard and instead of setting up camp and giving up…she fought back. With everything she had. She made a decision to go for it. To be who she knows she is meant to be and I, for one, think that is pretty incredible. It’s really easy to “dream big” when you have some soft pillows to fall back on…but Courtney is doing it in spite of that. She is an incredible role model to her boys…her friends…and women everywhere. Which is why today…and every day…she is my #wcw.
This has been a tough year – well two if you want me to be honest and honest is what this is about…
I moved half way across the country with my family (two boys and used-to-be husband), watched my sister in law fight and lose her life to cancer, got a phone call from my mom saying she, too, was diagnosed with cancer (she is almost one year healthy now) and then all in the same week filed for divorce from a man who chose another life from the one he promised after 12 years of marriage. Each one of those lessons (and many more prior to these) taught me more than you can even imagine. Each day I wake with purpose, I wake with the thought…where can I be more present in my life? Whether it is for my children, myself or my career.. ..
I am a dreamer and at the same time a realist. There are bumps in the road, lots of bumps…and there are petty thoughts, sacred thoughts, anxiety ridden thoughts and then there are moments when I want to wave the flag and surrender….
So here it goes, me, completely raw – the me behind closed doors…
I hate having my photo taken, but love being behind the lens. It’s my art and I love that I found it 37 years later.
Cleaning calms me…weird I know. But when I am overwhelmed and can’t think…I just start cleaning. Out comes the vacuum (I am sure my mom disagrees as she thinks my house is always a mess). Now laundry is a different story – I sometimes re-wash a few times before clothes eventually make it to the dryer.
Some days I just don’t even look in the mirror – it is hard, it means I have to face reality and there are days when reality bites the big one.
I am incredibly hard on myself and I need to work on this. I lost my confidence along the way.
I chose self respect over financial comfort. I left my marriage – it was difficult, it’s still difficult…I’m not sure it will ever be easy.
I slept on my couch for months, it was just easier.
I am a single mom to two boys – hardest thing I have ever done. You are pulled in so many directions and want to give them what two parents could and its exhausting. They exhaust me but becoming a mom is the best thing I have ever done. I could not be prouder of them and, well, I guess of me too.
Side note- being a single mom is not contagious. Thank you to all of you that have been my support this past year and not turning your back and making sure I got out and was ok. To all the rest…well, this is life. Divorce happens and to some of the best of us – its not an open door to discuss things you don’t know about.
Money stresses me out – bills, banking, credit cards…all of it.
My biggest fear it to be alone.
The only stations I watch on TV are E!, Bravo and HGTV. I know I am deep…it’s my escape from reality.
I am a introvert living in an extrovert’s body…I know how that can be. I love being around people and friends, yet I am very private. It’s my protection mode. I have become very good at this. I love to listen to people and help them out, but find it hard to seek advice from others. It makes me crazy putting my “crazy” out there.
I have a hard time saying no…hence writing this post (but truthfully I would do anything for Lauren. She is not only my mentor who I have great respect for but I am lucky enough to call her my friend).
I weigh myself every day – it’s a problem. I have done this since I was little…I just need to throw the scale out the window and promise myself not to buy another one.
I am funny – if you really know me you know this about me.
My mom is my best friend. She always picks up the phone even at 2am when I hear a noise in my house and am freaked out. BTW she lives in Florida…not sure what she can do 1,327 miles away.
I’m afraid of my dreams – not the ones you have at night, but the ones that can make your life the fullest. I have always lived for other’s dreams. I am a good supporter and since starting my own business it’s my dream just put out there for everyone to see. And there are more dreams…but I’m not sure dreams can pay the bills. That being said, I am renaming and rebranding my business…which makes me want to pull the covers over my head.
I love that my kids run to me when they are scared and they feel protected by me even though I am just as scared as them.
I am always losing my car keys and then use my back-up set and then lose those and all of a sudden my real set appears.
I miss my grandfather everyday. He was my rock.
I am stoic. You know like Cameron Diaz in the holiday (my favorite movie). Just one tear, please, one tear…that is me. Well, not exactly…I do have tears and when I do watch out. Only a few people have seen me cry.
I have lifelines – you know who you are. And thank you – thank you – thank you for your unconditional love and support.
I hate when my kids ask me why I look sad sometimes.
I believe in love and hope to find it again one day.
My mom and I want to get matching tattoos – I’ll keep you posted if we do…