When Stef sent me this post I read through it and found myself cracking up. Not only because every word is so her…but because all these things are the exact reason whey she is one of the greatest humans I know. Stef is my oldest friend…I could tell you some stories that I think we can all agree are much better left in the vault. But stories full of memories that shaped a truly epic friendship. Stefanie is a free spirit…someone who lives life by the playlist in her head and makes you want to dance right along with her. She’s the type of person you always want around…no matter what. She builds up the people in her life…not by breaking others down…but by pushing them higher.
I’ll never forget…almost 15 years ago when Stef and I met and we were walking around the jewelry department of Wal-Mart. I picked up a bracelet that I liked and immediately put it back. She asked why I wasn’t getting it and I told her because my friends at school (Stef and I never went to the same school) would make fun of me. She picked it back up and put it my hand and said…‘@*$% em!’ That moment was the first piece of who I am today and a perfect example of the amazing person Stefanie Miller is. She loves without reservation and is a friend I truly could never live without. Stefanie is my women crush every day…but today you get to see a little piece of what makes her…her.
My biggest insecurity in life is not being smart enough. Smart enough to gain respect, smart enough for the cool kids, for a job, a conversation, even an experience. It terrifies me so I read a lot. About everything.
I always read the last line of a book first and then I write it down in a journal. Even if it ruins the entire book for me.
I have so many books that it is hard to find people to help me move. And I move…a lot.
I move constantly because I can’t sit still. I always think I will find happiness in the next place so I pack up and leave.
I never finish anything (except Potbelly’s sandwiches). I have a fear of commitment and I get bored super easily. I feel like my life is going to suddenly become mundane if I am stagnant. So instead of sticking it out, I run away. Makes it hard to have roots anywhere.
Since I was a little girl, I have always missed somebody. My dad, my brother, a friend. It is something I will never get used to but I have become well aware that it will never change. I am so horrible at correspondence, too, that I feel like I am a bad friend, daughter, niece, sister…you name it. I am in constant fear that these relationships will fade away.
I am absolutely terrified that I will end up alone and never have kids. Not because I feel like I need them, but because I fear that I will miss out on a great love and great experience. I want to share the kind of love my friends have with their husbands with somebody special too (I am only 3% jealous of them and 97% happy for them).
Recent events in Prague have made me realize I have absolutely no idea how to flirt anymore.
All of my friends are really into fashion and beauty products and I always feel so left out because half of the time I have no idea what they are talking about. It makes me feel like I am somehow not as feminine and I hate that.
Everything in the world is the biggest deal to me. If it is bad, it is so bad I can’t breathe. So bad, my life is over, I have to quit, I have to move away, I cannot go on. If it is good, it is the greatest thing in the world. It is the most beautiful place that I need to move there. He was so great for 5 minutes, I have to marry him. That job looked so cool on tv, I need to have it. It is hard for me not make a big deal out of things. I like to think of life like a roller coaster. The high parts and twists and turns are the best. If you don’t make a big deal out of things, you’re just strapped in a seat moving slowly. Boring. Unfortunately, not everyone appreciates or understands my dramatics.
I try to be a good Christian but I fear I am not even close. It messes with my head daily.
I hate silence, I need music for just about everything. I have a soundtrack for every single thing I do. Even standing in the middle of the Arctic, staring at the Northern Lights, I had a playlist. I feel like I miss out on the things happening right in front of me sometimes because I am too wrapped up in the music I hear.
I started making smoothies every morning for breakfast and was convinced I should open up a smoothie shack because they were so good. I was recently informed they taste like shit.
Nothing makes me more upset than when people don’t have respect for other people. Their feelings, possessions, privacy, religion, relationships, you name it. We are all equal beings, we choose the life we live and certain things that are important to others may not be important to someone else. It is no excuse to shit all over everyone else’s world because they may be unhappy in theirs. I don’t like it when people set standards for other people’s lives and how they should live them. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It is an age old adage that holds true in regards to all aspects of life.
I have absolutely no idea where my life is going or what I want to do with it. No clue. I don’t use my degree, I don’t have any big ideas that I ever follow through on, I am not really amazing at anything. I simply have no idea what next week will be like. I feel like a failure at least once a week. I just try to stay off social media those days.
On vacation, Lauren asked me what the happiest period of my life was so far. I told her right now is the happiest I have ever been. I am not anywhere near where I thought I would be at 32. In the past, I put so much pressure on being perfect and “having it all” in this certain time frame that was socially acceptable. I have made so many mistakes I cannot even count. I took the wrong path more than I care to admit. The funny thing I realized though, is that I do have it all. Not my dream job, but a job that allows me to follow my dreams and pay for them all. Not my perfect soul mate, but you should meet some of my friends. They are my true loves. I don’t have a house on the beach, but I have a tent and that thing is paid off and can go anywhere. There is something so extraordinary about this life right now and the unknown. My life is not neatly packaged up with a pretty bow. It came wrapped up in wrinkled newspaper with coffee cup stains. I am not perfect, this life is not perfect, but it’s mine. I wake up happy every single day with no other reason than the fact that I woke up. So who cares if I don’t have all the things I am “supposed” to have right now? I am the happiest I have ever been, flawed and all. That should speak louder than any Facebook status.