You know how they say one friend can change your whole life…well Lola is that friend to me. We met when I was working at Arthur Murray and we used to sit in my office and solve all the world’s problems. Our minds work so differently that together…they were like magic. Everything about Lola is infectious. Her laugh…her spirit…her attitude towards everything in life. I can’t tell you the number of times just talking it out with her had the ability to turn a total disaster into greatness. She sees the world in a way that is so unique and when you are around her…you just know you are around someone truly special. She makes you want to be better but there isn’t anything in the world you could do that would make her judge you. She’s authentic, strong, hilarious, an incredibly hard-worker, beautiful and one hell of a person. Bottom line…Lola is an incredible woman and one that I feel so incredibly lucky to have in my corner.
I am never satisfied with anything. I always want more.
People tell me I can’t have it all, especially my Mom.
I was sexually abused by my Grandfather at a very young age. My Grandma knew it was happening and told my parents that she wouldn’t “throw away” 30 years of marriage over “something like this”…cue the next 3 decades of abandonment, eating, and relationship issues.
I feel like I was cheated out of a fun and care free childhood.
My other set of Grandparents would always tell me I needed to lose weight. No matter how much I lost, it was never good enough.
When I went to borrow a calculator the morning of my ACT test, my Grandpa told me I needed to “back away from the dinner table”…I cried the entire 4 hours of my test.
When I see amazing Grandparents with their grandkids I am sad and jealous.
I used my abuse as an excuse to never live to my full potential.
I am a complete commitment-phobe. I have a hard time committing to ANYTHING.
I have been engaged 3 times, proposed to 6, and am still not married.
I eat too much.
I was bullied in school for years. My Mom taught me to make fun of myself first before anyone else could. It taught me to be strong, but never allowed me to believe that I was truly good at anything.
I pretend that I am not competitive. But I am secretly EXTREMELY competitive.
I have always felt fat. Even when I was skinny…I felt fat.
I have only had the “butterfly feeling” for two men in my life. Both of them left me. One killed himself the night after I stood him up (and it was the first time I deliberately did something for revenge).
I am terrible at being vulnerable.
I wonder if I am ever going to find a husband.
I don’t want kids because I am terribly selfish with my time.
When in a relationship, I am a complete hypocrite. I want to do whatever I want, but I don’t want the other person to do the same. It should be all about me.
I think all men cheat.
I think all men eventually get bored.
I would never write in a journal because I would be too worried my Mom would find it and have a heart attack.
The only time I have ever cheated on a test, I got caught.
I am pissed that I have stretch marks and I haven’t even had a baby.
My mom’s way of showing affection is to make fun of me.
I am a complete extremist. I am either all in or all out…there is nothing in between.
I rush into almost every relationship.
I have ZERO patience.
I never read directions. Which always causes me a lot of stress and wasted time.
I used to have debilitating migraines.
When I would get anything less than an A- on a paper at school, I would throw away the papers before I got home so my parents wouldn’t know.
I hold a grudge…for a long time…. and I am still working on forgiveness.
What I know now is that life is GOOD!
HOW YOU THINK IS HOW YOU WILL LIVE, the problem is we are usually thinking about all the wrong things. We usually wake up and play the same old, tired recording in our head. I don’t want to get up…I hate my job…why do I have to go work…I hate the way I look…I hate the way I feel…I am too fat…I am too ugly. The list can go on and on…. We are our own worst enemies and I believe we need to change what we are thinking. When I wake up, I immediately list what I am grateful for. Before I go to bed, I list what I am grateful for. Be grateful! For everything! There are no problems, only opportunities to be better and while you may not have control over WHAT happens to you, you do have control over how you FEEL about it. No more self hatred. I only choose to see the good in any situation, no matter how bad it is. You are not your past. When I look in the mirror I choose to focus on what I love about myself, not what needs to be changed. Living authentically means living from love, not from fear. You can do, be and have anything if you love and accept yourself flaws and all!